I haven't posted it in my blog yet, but as you pry know Mike and I have been on a break with hopes of getting back together. We still talked a lot, and did stuff together a few nights a week. Well up until about 2 1/2 weeks ago that is, the day after my birthday we got into a big fight, and he basically told me he didn’t think we should see each other anymore. I just kinda sat there for a minute, and he pretty much just told me to take him home. Having been with him for so long I kinda of expected to talk about it a little, or something, but he just said it and wanted to go home. He didn’t act like it affected him or anything, I mean I didn’t expect him to break into tears like I had, but I expected a little emotion, or a sorry, or an I will miss you, but I got nothing. When I asked him, he said he was upset, but he sure didn’t make a believer out of me. I mean I am sure that he was a little sad, but I mean after four years you think he would be more than just a little sad.

I think that is what hurt me the most; it felt like he didn’t even care, like we had been dating for just a few weeks or something. So I have been going to work and going to school with this wall of happiness on the outside with deep hurt on the inside. There have been so many times that I have felt like I am alone, like I have nobody…I have wanted nothing more than to stay at home in bed and do nothing, yet I know I cannot. So this last week has not been too bad, but it brings me to the point of why now? Why let it out now? Well I have talked to Mike about 5 times since this happen, a few times were to just fill him in about the heritage situation, and the others were the few times that he called me just to see what was going on, those conversations lasted about 5 minutes each. I talked to him again tonight, and I realized that it has finally set in that we are not together and are not getting back together.

In December I will graduate, and may move to Arizona, and could never see him again. It hurts my heart to think about it, but I have finally let it set in. It’s set in that I may never see him again after December, that I will be graduating and entering the “real world” alone, and that I will have to start a new relationship all over when I am ready for one. So tonight, I will pry cry myself to sleep, but it will be different from previous nights, I will shed my last tears over him. I know I will pry have feelings for him for awhile, but I am tired of hurting all the time, and I have to begin put it to an end.

What's here? A cup, clos'd in my true love's hand?
Poison, I see, hath been his timeless end:
O churl! Drink all, and left no friendly drop
to help me after?
¶ 22:23